I don’t know how I missed this the first time around, but I came across this lovely funny little piece by Niki Messmore and collaborators the other day. I know I’ve been guilty of a few of these in my past (particularly #2). The original post is linked at the bottom (complete with animated GIFs) but the list includes:
- Your first date involves: Name games, free pizza, and an evaluation of what could be improved for the next time.
- They give you career counseling.
One minute you’re discussing your job and musing about your expectations/interests in your career, and the next they are asking you probing questions about what makes you happy, where do you see yourself in ten years, and then they proceed to advise you navigating your career.
- They ask what organizations you were involved with in college.
Not everyone was involved in a college student organization (or even went to college). In fact, most people were not – but try telling them this! And if you were in a student organization (student government, College Republicans, Greek, etc) as soon as you mention it a look enters their eye, they go “hmm, interesting” and you immediately know they just judged your entire personality.
- They ask questions using counseling techniques like ‘probing’ and ‘reflection’.
You realized you’re doing most of the talking during the date. They skillfully navigate the conversation with relationship building skills and use counseling techniques to learn more about you, until finally you cry about some buried memory or receive an epiphany about your true purpose in life.
- When you answer questions about life experiences, share something insightful, and they nod sagely saying “Oh that makes total sense, and explain their understanding using various theories and catch phrases like ‘external formulas’.
- When you say something sexist/racist/ableist/homophobic, etc, they call you out
True story: Once I went on a date with a man who referenced his ex-girlfriend and called her a “bitch”. And I proceeded to challenge him with a “You realize you’re out with a feminist, yeah?” and ignored his mansplaining as I explained why that reference was sexist (and not okay).
- They ask what your MBTI is, and if you say you don’t know they’re like “Oh, I bet you’re totally like a ___!” and proceed to conduct a personality test.
- When you make dinner plans they immediately write off all pizza and Subway.
When the only food your date gets is free pizza and sandwiches, then it is a terrible idea to not introduce more interesting items into their diet.
>>>#ResLife Option: On the plus side, they pay for all dinner plans. On the negative side, dinner is always at a dining hall.
- If you make the date during a break (summer, spring, winter) they are super excited to go to the bars that have emptied of college students.
- They have a disturbingly large supply of condoms and are more knowledgeable than most on the science of safe sex.
- They measure time in semesters, not years.
“So when did you visit Las Vegas?” “Oh, spring 2013 at the ACPA Convention”.
- They provide adequate trigger warnings and uses words like “heteronormative” and “cisgender”
- Good luck trying to spend time with them around the beginning or end of the school year, or any other major event.
- They’re always check their phone to make sure residents didn’t burn down the building or student organizations/athletes aren’t hazing.
- At the end of each date they ask you to do “highs and lows” or “roses and thorns” to evaluate the experience.
- You can’t understand half the things they say because they speak in acronyms.
- When you spend the night, they have 52 free shirts that you can choose from as pajamas.
- Movie dates result with analyzing the film from a social justice perspective.
- They’re always asking odd hypothetical questions like “So, if you’re trapped in a basement after an earthquake, and have these 12 items, what would you use first?”
- The first time you say “I love you,” they ask you to operationalize what you mean by the word “love”.
- Your significant other’s RAs/colleagues consider you to be an honorary member of the staff.
- You know you should be flattered when they call you “self-authored’ but you’re unsure why.
- They always say that you both should assess the relationship, yet never make any time to do so.
- They ask you “What does diversity mean to you?”
- Sleepovers come with a caveat for being woken up at 3a.m. on duty nights. #ResLife
*This includes graduate students as well. Don’t get it twisted – your assistantship is 20 hours a week and you’re doing student affairs work with real, live students; hence you are a professional in my opinion.
Have you ever been on a date and realized you’ve done one of the following? Or perhaps you’ve been on a date with someone in Student Affairs and always thought something seemed off about them. Well here’s a list of the top ways you know you’re on a date with someone in SA (with special notations about #ResLife only issues)
1) Your first date involves: Name games, free pizza, and an evaluation of what could be improved for the next time.
2) They give you career counseling.
One minute you’re discussing your job and musing about your expectations/interests in your career, and the next they are asking you probing questions about what makes you…
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Very well done. I have caught myself in many of these and admit they are barometers that measure if potential suitors understand the work we do and our passion for it.
Can’t take credit… All Niki and her collaborators’ hard work… but this on a funny little truth, doesn’t it?